Happiness = Selflessness

Today I did something that I hadn't done in a while.  Something that, in my younger years used to be ingrained in me and drove the majority of my actions...I unselfishly gave to another human being.  I knew I would get nothing in return.  I knew that it would not go to further my career, to gain notoriety and publicity.  I gave to someone who could not give anything back to me.  I never saw the person to which I gave, and I probably never will.  He won't ever know that it was me who helped him.  And it felt awesome!  

Now, before I go any further, let me make this clear: Through this post, I am not being boastful or trying to espouse a "look at how awesome I am" attitude.  This isn't a soapbox for me to enlighten you of my kick-ass-ness; rather, it is simply intended as a means for me to share with you an experience in my life today which helped me rediscover the joy that comes from selflessness.

For about the past year (or perhaps even longer), I have found that I have been growing more and more self-involved; almost every waking moment of my life has been focused strictly upon my music and my career.  It has become an obsession.  Tunnel vision.  It has not been rooted in a desire to gain fame or fortune; rather my thoughts, actions, and goals have simply been intensely focused on creating music and finding ways to help sustain a long career doing what I love.  Very pure intentions, but very self-centered and self-serving.

And so it was that I found myself in a rut the past month or so.  So much time and energy focused strictly upon myself and my own ambitions.  It's been poisonous to my mental and spiritual health and I believe it's been the source of my somewhat apathetic attitude toward life.  I would explain my recent existence as a highly motivated and driven exterior shell pursuing a well-defined goal, while inside I have been empty and void of inspiration.  I will grant that when I sit down to write, and when I am creating and playing music, I do feel very inspired.  I feel equally inspired when I go to church and pray.  But still, even with those sources of purpose/inspiration, something was missing.

The missing element was selfless giving; helping out another human being without any expectation of receiving in return.  Today I cleaned out my closet and gave 2 high school kids about half of my clothes (a far cry from what Jesus told us to do, but a step in the right direction).  They, along with their mother, checked into the local women's shelter here in town in order to escape their abusive father.  The 2 boys had been wearing the same clothes for the past 3 days, and were the only articles of clothing they had to their name.  From what the folks at the women's shelter said, the boys never complained about their situation.  It's the type of story that breaks your heart, and as I sit here typing this, I am tearing up.  There are countless stories like this happening in towns all across the country, and I pray that you never have to endure anything like this.  

Obviously, after hearing their story, I went up to my room and began cleaning out my closet.  I made piles of clothes to take to the boys (and the culture of excess in which we live reared it's ugly head...but I will save that rant for another post).  Initially I was just going to give them a few old t-shirts, a pair of shorts, and a pair of pants and call it a day.  But then I re-discovered the joy of giving and the happiness which flows from selflessness.  I didn't just want to give them a few things, I wanted to give them as much as I could!  It was a beautiful feeling and it rejuvenated me; it provided purpose and clarity through the veil of selfishness which had been clouding my soul.  When I took those bags full of clothes to the women's shelter, I knew that the world was a better place.  And it felt good.  My source of happiness was coming from a place outside of myself.  It wasn't a feeling of "wow, I am such an awesome person;" it was something much deeper.  It sounds a bit "new age-y" but I felt connected to the universe, connected to my fellow man.  I felt love.  I experienced God.  You can pray all you want (and I am certainly not knocking prayer) but there is something about getting your proverbial hands dirty and "doing" for your fellow man which prayer cannot provide.  At least that has been my experience.  I suppose that is why Mother Teresa did what she did.

Now I know that what I am saying is not revelatory, by any means.  It has been preached by many throughout the years (e.g., Jesus, Muhammad, Gandhi, Buddha, Mother Teresa...) but it is something that I experienced first-hand today.  Finding happiness through selfless giving.  All I did today was give some clothes which I didn't really need to kids who desperately needed them.  I'm sure they still have many more deficiencies (psychologically, socially, spiritually, and physically) which need to be met, but at least a small portion of their troubles were quelled today.  I certainly have a lot more selfless giving I can do (there is always more that can be done), and through my experience today I will certainly be re-evaluating many aspects of my life.  I hope you will as well.

PS:  In reflecting upon this post, I cannot help but question, "Is it really selflessness if I receive such gratification from doing so?"  So many philosophical thoughts swirling around my head.  I guess sometimes I/we can over-think things instead of just doing what feels innately "right" to us...

Slow Down...Embrace the Pace

I was straddling the seat of my bike, struggling up one of the many slight undulations in the Northern Indiana landscape.  I didn't feel like running, so I settled for a bike ride.  Legs pumping, heart racing, my mind was clouded and corrupted with many unproductive distractions: "Which songs to include on my new album.  The challenges of routing my fall tour.  The doubt and uncertainty of whether or not I will reach my financial goal on my PledgeMusic Campaign.  The state of American culture.  The burning sensation originating in my quadriceps coursing through the millions of nerves leading to my brain..." Stress.  The enemy.  In small doses, it's actually beneficial.  But when you allow it to completely consume and overwhelm you, it is anything but.

With these chaotic, staccato thoughts battling each other for control in my conscious mind, I spotted an Amish man on his bicycle.  He was about a half mile ahead of me, and as I continued to draw closer to him (he was peddling at a decidedly slower rate than me), I couldn't help but notice the striking difference in his demeanor compared to my own.  He was relaxed; I was tense.  His head on a swivel, drinking in the passing scenery; my eyes were locked on him, determined that I pass him before the next mailbox.  As I made my move to pass him, and reached the awkward moment where he and I were peddling side-by-side, he offered a smile and uttered two words that changed my bike ride, and my night, for the better: "Beautiful evening."  Nothing more.  I gave a nod and continued to make my move past him.  As I peddled on, I began to let the words sink in.  "Beautiful evening..."

I was about 8 miles into my ride and didn't even realize it, but it WAS an absolutely gorgeous evening! The temperature was in the low 70's, the sun setting on rolling fields of corn separated by patches of woods.  The crickets and birds were providing the perfect soundtrack for a serene summer evening, yet I was so engulfed in my own selfish thoughts that I neglected to take it all in.  The Amish man provided a perfect juxtaposition to me, and realizing this untethered me from the bondage of my stress.  I believe that God has a sense of humor and perhaps this was his not-so-subtle way of saying, "Look at all of this beautiful stuff I have provided you, you idiot!  Drink it in!  Enjoy it!"

I decided to back off the pace a bit.  I drank in the beauty of my surroundings.  There were cows grazing in a pasture to my left and a rabbit darting across the road just ahead.  As I rounded a corner on one of the county roads, I peered through the woods and caught the sight of 3 deers drinking from the Baugo Creek.  There was beauty all around me, and if it wouldn't have been for that Amish man, I wouldn't have noticed any of it.

As I neared my home, I reflected on the truth in the words of the town slogan of Nappanee, IN (a town about 10 miles south of me): "Embrace the Pace."

Certainly there is value and merit to working hard and planning for the future; but I believe there is equal merit in slowing down to enjoy the beauty surrounding us.  The beauty of enjoying and living in the present.  Like many things in life, the key lies in finding balance.  Perhaps this little blog post can serve as your Amish man, and remind you to slow down and "Embrace the Pace" on your journey through life.

Back Porch

As I sit here on my back porch on a beautiful late spring/early summer evening in Indiana, I can't help but feel an overwhelming sense of contentment.  I am so incredibly blessed to live in such a gorgeous place; the birds are singing, the sun is setting, and here I sit, able to relax and drink in God’s blessings.  

This serene backdrop is a welcome change from the hectic and jam-packed past 3 and a half months of my life; what a wild ride!  I was fortunate enough to play 41 shows in 13 different states across the Midwest and Southeast since the end of January.  With 15,000 miles and a new single under my belt, as well as an over-abundance of new friends/fans, I am relishing this new-found rest and relaxation.  It has been a time to catch up with my family whom I have seemingly neglected for the past 3 and 1/2 months.  The furthest I have driven has been across town to play golf with my grandpa.  I must say, I am kind of enjoying not spending my days driving in my car!

I have resisted the temptation of work as much as possible since finishing my tour, but I can't help it if my job is also my favorite hobby.  I had a couple meetings the past week, scheduled more for the next few upcoming weeks (I mean, I am trying to promote my new single “Back Home Again (Indiana)” to country music radio here in Indiana), and I also wrote a new song, which I am really excited to get recorded and release towards the end of the summer.  I also began to route my fall tour.  But tonight, I am not doing any of that; I’m just enjoying this beautiful evening from my back porch.  

The back porch has kind of become a haven for me in the days/nights since returning home from the road.  I’ve used it as an office to work, a dining room to eat dinner, and a place just to chill and enjoy the beautiful weather with family, friends, and myself.  It’s a great place to read, write, and think, and it’s a great place to converse.  It’s the perfect place to begin my day with a cup of coffee in the morning, and it is also the perfect place to unwind at night with a pint of Upland beer.  

Sitting here this evening, I am tempted to reflect on where I’ve been and where I’m headed.  But in doing so, I would missing out on the greatest gift: the present.  The purples and reds of the sky amidst the setting sun.  The growing calm of the impending nightfall.  

This summer, this back porch will undoubtedly be the place where many more meals and conversations are shared, songs are written, tours are planned, gigs are booked, work is completed, and beers are enjoyed.  But tonight, it’s simply the place where I sit and enjoy life.  I am content in the now, on this back porch.